Last September, my brother and I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Rising majestically from the Tanzanian plains, it’s the tallest free-standing mountain in the world and a favourite haunt of do-gooding celebrities. You can check out a video of our climb here.
For now though, here are the 10 things you need to know before you make the ascent yourself:
1) There’s a song
No, it’s not the Circle of Life. There is a bona fide Kili song (bonus fact everyone calls it Kili, not just the gap year kids). You will hear everyone including porters, guides and fellow climbers belting out this Swahili banger at regular intervals until it is indelibly seared into your brain. However, for those who can’t resist a bit of pre-reading here are the lyrics:
2) There are monkeys!
For the first couple of days you will be walking through lush mountain rainforest home to two different species of monkey. Best and most frequently encountered are the colobus monkeys. Unfortunately, their name translates as “maimed” on account of their lack of thumbs, but don’t let this put you off. These lively primates have dark, glossy fur ringed with white about the face, making them appear simultaneously cute and wise. They also have fluffy, two-feet long tails which would make superb feather dusters.
The other species is the blue monkey (actually a sort of grey / olive colour). These guys are a bit more shy and retiring compared to their boisterous cousins. Still though, everyone loves a monkey.
3) It’s dusty
Ok, so this one is only really true if you climb during a dry spell, but trust me you’ll know about it if you do. The air at altitude is already carrying less moisture and coupled with the dust can give you a hacking cough, so bring a buff to cover your face (plus they look pretty badass). Once you hit the moorland at around 3000m, it is common to see clouds of dust rising each time you take a step. It also has a habit of getting absolutely everywhere and will make you crave a shower like a man who has fallen down a long drop. Speaking of which…
4) Embrace the long drop
Technically it is possible to avoid the long drops, as many guided expeditions include the luxury of a chemical toilet. In fact, one unfortunate “toilet porter” is usually assigned sole responsibility for carrying this bulky and malodourous contraption from camp-to-camp . However, there are also plenty of long drops at all the main camp sites. A head torch is highly recommended for late-night calls of nature. However, a phone may be substituted if you are one of those adrenaline junkies who enjoys fumbling in the dark with expensive technology above a pit of steaming faeces.
5) The porters are superhuman
One of the first things to happen when you arrive on the mountain is that your bags and all the other equipment (food, gas, tents etc.) are divvied up among the porters. Fortunately, the National Parks Authority now enforces a weight limit of 20kg per porter to guard against tour companies trying to slash costs by doling out obscene loads. Nevertheless, you will probably feel a bit guilty as you cheerfully set out with your daysack while dozens of porters hoist wobbling towers of luggage onto their backs.
This will soon give way to awe as you climb higher and the air starts to thin. “Poli, poli” (slowly, slowly) is the mantra for us mortals unaccustomed to altitude. The porters though, are in class of their own. Every day they start behind the tour groups to break camp, but by mid-morning they begin surging inexorably past, tireless and sure-footed as mountain goats on the rocky terrain. This feat is all the more remarkable as the majority lack proper hiking boots, some of them climbing to altitudes higher than anything in Europe wearing nothing but flip flops. These guys are the unsung heroes of the mountain, toiling away so that thousands of tourists each year can experience the glory of the summit.
6) Water is precious
There is no foolproof defence against altitude sickness. However, experts are united in encouraging climbers to stay hydrated. And by hydrated, I mean drinking three litres per day. Needless to say, there is no plumbing on Kilimanjaro, and all the water used for drinking, cooking and washing is collected by the porters from mountain streams. Say farewell to showers and clean clothes for the week you are on the mountain. Fortunately (or in some cases unfortunately), you are all in this fragrant new world together.
7) It’s bloody freezing
Now you may lack sympathy on this one, but bear with me. I was aware that, in spite of the ravages of global warming, the summit remains ice-capped and I was prepared for some freezing temperatures on the last day. What I did not anticipate was that we’d be facing nightly frosts as soon as we left the mountain forest (i.e. from day 2 onwards). Our group guide had looked doubtfully at my thin, synthetic sleeping bag before we set off and, sure enough, every night I found myself huddled inside both it and the identical twin I had brought as a back-up.
Here’s a couple of tips you won’t regret. Bring (or hire) a four-season sleeping bag even if you think of yourself as “a warm person”. Second, keep a small space between your feet and the end of your sleeping bag, and between your toes and the end of your socks. It creates a small pocket of insulating warm air that will stop you waking up with ice blocks for legs. You can thank me later.
8) You don’t actually walk that far
I was surprised to find that we only spent around 4 hours each day walking. Given that we were there to climb Africa’s highest peak, I had expected a more gruelling itinerary (disclaimer: this does not include summit night). Now the short distances were partly because I had opted for the 8-day Lemosho Route, the longest in duration of the main tourist routes. Though that makes it a little more expensive, it is definitely worth it for the increased acclimatisation time. This gives you a higher chance of making it to the top and means you won’t be suffering from a thumping headache the entire time (disclaimer: this does not include summit night).
9) Summit night is hell
They say you don’t really remember summit night. The combination of sleep deprivation, low oxygen and disorienting darkness means that the hours spent shambling up shattered scree slopes blur into a half-recalled dream sequence. I had been hoping for some group singing to keep spirits high, but the reality is you are all too exhausted. The excitement of setting off for the final push soon gives way to grim slog, as the minutes drag to eternity and your body cries out for rest.
On my summit night I saw people dry retching in the middle of path, I saw people collapse asleep on the stony ground from physical exhaustion, and I saw porters with stretchers carrying down those with severe altitude sickness. You do what you can to offer food and words of encouragement, but mostly you are just trying to follow the headtorch in front. Speed doesn’t matter, only that you keep going.
10) The summit is unreal
We reached the edge of the summit crater at dawn. After the longest night of our lives, the sun rose in a surreal orange haze to illuminate what appeared to be the surface of Mars. It felt as though at some point during our climb we had crossed a portal from the lower world and were now walking along the rarefied contours of God’s landscape gardener. Glaciers rose in startling blue relief from the barren rocks and, dizzying miles across the vast crater, other ice sheets gleamed a dazzling white.
Kilimanjaro is a dormant volcano with three cones marking the site of previous eruptions. Kibo is central and highest of the three, home to the summit at Uhuru Peak and the famous sign. It takes about an hour to walk round to the summit once you hit the crater rim and, if the sun is up, it will be one of the most extraordinary experiences of your life. Many people burst into tears when they reach the top, overcome by the achievement and majesty of the setting.
I can’t tell you why the suffering is worth it, only that it most certainly is. For those still in doubt, I leave you with these parting words:
“Because in the end you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.”
Jack Kerouac